Sunday, January 30, 2005
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those msgs she sent. =(
her: i noe u wont go to slp de cuz i'm ya worm in e stomach so i noe ethg bout u. online rite? but do rest early. tink of e ans if u've e time. don cast me aside. whether anot we will be able to catch e sunrise, hav our star glazing session or our hols at pathetic genting, juz rem tt i still love loving u.
her: rem e last sentence of lyrics in an jing? wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni, shi yin wei wo tai ai ni.
her: no matter wad i do, be it msg, our conversation, every sec we are together n so on, i'm tryin super hard to make u love me like e way b4. i'm tryin too hard rite? mayb u really takin too much of me for granted tt i don feel being loved. i'm afraid to lose u but i still wanna tink for u.
her: don be speechless towards me. i need u more to convince me of our r/s. i'm still hanging on too but i need ur support. r u giving up on me?
her: alrite.. i'll accept ur ans den.. for all these 8 months, u were my miracle. i'm alr contented. u were both my happiness n sadness. i still love loving u.
her: i'll miss ur ethg badly. don forget me pls. sigh. -crys-
her: me too. i'll miss ur magical hugs n kisses tt always make wonders without fail. i miss ur bunny teeth, small eyes, small nose n ur big fat 6 months old tummy.
her: e next time i cry, u wont get to c or hear again. i promise i wont upset u wif my crying.
her: himbo.. i didnt wanna let u noe juz nw cuz i'm afraid u will be takin me for granted more. actually i've alr love u more den i love mah. juz wanna let u noe.
her: if ever one dae u regret, turn ard n u will c me. i'll be e stars u c when lying on ur bed, always there when u need me.
her: u will. u r e unbeatable-forever-living cockroach like e ones under ur block tt always hiding to scare me. u will live on.
her: -kiss ur teary eyes- don let tears fall down ur no-pimples-allowed cheeks. u r jacob e handsome so don cry. pls.
her: i cant get to slp. i miss ur face tt looks so wonderful each time our eyes meet. hows ur curly hair? as messy as usual?
her: i don wan to c u sad. i wanna be by ur side forever. get married in 5 yrs time. adopt a child tt will call u Uncle Jacob. migrate to Perth or Melbourne.
| tiffany. 1:53 AM|
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005
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i cannot stand her anymore.. can you behave properly.. can you dont go crazie again.. i cant breathe.. -cry-
| tiffany. 1:17 AM|
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
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mr baddie
dunno wad happened to lirong. i cannot deny she's getting more possessive, more sensitive and sometime when she over doing it. she's a bit of unreasonable and ridiculous. haha am i saying it too much? i think so.. well, its not her fault. all because i've changed. i muz admit, i've changed. i admit i took her for granted. i admit its different now. but my heart is still hers. i never fall for another ger. i never stop loving her. its juz that i did not give as much in the past. oh man~ how could i. after 7 months, i give her pain. i understand how she feels exactly. i really do. i know what i said had hurt her. but i juz couldnt control myself. cuz the way she do, the things she ask me, she never ask me before. i feel so tensed up whenever she asked or do things i don like. but i did not dislike what she do to the extend.. juz a minor irritation.
dear, if you ever read this please dont get affected by what i said can. give me one more chance. juz one more~ i dont wanna see you cry anymore. i dont wan. you've to believe me. trust me. you've to give me time. i try my best not to neglect you. try my best not to become a busy man. k?
//i'll beg you gazillion times when you wanna leave me
| tiffany. 3:45 PM|
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
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after all.. i'm quite love dem.
dunno why dunno when dunno how.. i'm so closed wif dem recently.. though am busy as usual.. cant go stay overnight wif bird, pretty, guanhong and haixin at bun's hse. always my work make me cant enjoy myself wif dem. ha! its ok. am contented now. training is always so fun.. dunno since when i love going for training. well, mayb ivp coming. got to buck up. my thighs not good, stil aching know. oh well, todae's ecstasy 21st birthdae!! hoho. i ask peiling to make a slyvester cake!! her fav cartoon leh! hyatt hotel one hor.. mai siao siao. den gonna buy a watch for her oso. later wil celebrate at fc5 wif my sp team-mates! ROAR!! sp rox! hopefully the surprise for her works out. i tink.. she sense something la. i never ask her whether is she coming for training before but not this time.. keep askin her did she come and stuffs. hahah isnt tt obvious!?!
eh? bored sia. at my dear's hse. never go for lesson. again. she is like a pig. sleeping.. don care bout me. damn her. muaha tt's all.
| tiffany. 9:41 AM|
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005
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totally sians of everything.
don like the team at all. don like it. maybe because i'm out cast. ah bun jio me for lunch later. waiting for them to end lesson now. waiting. delays. bored. in computer lab now. chatting. ok not tt i don like the team. i don like myself and hate e feelin.
| tiffany. 11:36 AM|
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
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breakdown
nobody understands at all..
nobody.
saw guanhong and jinhui yesterday when i was about to go home in the campus. talk half way, they mentioned about playing basketball after school. guess what? i dont even know they planned this activity. at that point of time, i think of things to tell them as well as to console myself. i told them maybe haixin scare i keep reject her that's why she never ask me go plus i got work later. i was damn farking sad. they left me out. i was left out. cool.. owell, after awhile i'm fine again. dont take it to heart.
today before training, i messaged weihui to ask whether there's training. she told me training is on tueday and saturday. i got fed up, i asked her why i'm always the last to know things. at that time, i become emotional. very emotional. go back to school to have training, i pretend nothing happened.
during training, we ran a few rounds of the court. i told myself its gonna be a tough training, i must get myself prepared. keep telling myself to focus. at first i'm very cool. my legs become weak when we dashed the court in full speed 5 times. i knew i'm going to reach my limit already. i endure. after that coach ask me to pair with haixin, to score until 4 lay ups then we can stop that kind, i stopped half way. i couldnt breathe. felt soooooo terrible. like got asthma attack. my breathing was heavy and loud. first time. thought i would recover very soon. never will i know, i kind of feeling down. i felt so useless. everyone still kicking alive. i've to sit there and rest. i sit one corner and tears ran down. jasmine and ah bun were beside me that time. felt so embarrassed, cried in front of them. think am giving myself too much pressure. i brokedown. cant believe it. of basketball.
i know the reason why i'm like being out cast. i seldom click with them, i seldom go for training. i never blame anyone know? i blame myself for never click with them as much as i can, i blame myself for never go for training as much as i can. i'm lazy. playful. i myself want to accompany lirong. i admit. lazy to run. lazy to go for tough training. this is why i feel terrible and couldnt catch up with those guys. playful, makes me lose my close friends. sighh. i dunno .. dont feel like publishing this entry actually.. just wanna keep everything to myself..
| tiffany. 10:46 PM|
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