Tuesday, March 27, 2007

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ive finished the book 'for one more day' by mitch albom. its a damn nice book can! im so addicted to it that i read until 7am yesterday and now im so tired after work from 3pm to 3am. and as my usual routine, i blog. and im downloading this gaw damn nice and feeling feeling song lah, 'i dont want to talk about it' by rod stewart. dont kno whether its a oldies but well i kno this song from one of my boss i think. just happen to heard this song at work and i repeated it when im doing my opening. awwww man~ wonderful song. here it goes.. the lyrics..





| tiffany. 3:56 AM|

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Monday, March 26, 2007

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just got home not long ago. this long night, lucky ive lixuan with me. she came to labyrinth with dirdin and friends and then she stays with me when dirdin went off until i finished work wor. and then we supper at nearby prata shop and we chat for 2hours! god. so long. havent been talking to my friends for that long. everytime when i wanna supper with jen near her house she always rush me to finish my updates and chase me home because she needa work. damnit.

im happy tonight lah because lixuan accompany me for that whole night even if i can see that she's quite bored waiting for me. that's what friends are for!

anyways, another sad thing happened to me today before i go to work. as usual i fell asleep this afternoon in my parents' bed and then i think i dream of her. and i think i cry in my sleeep, because something bad that i dreamt. and then when i reached workplace, samantha asked me why my eyes swell. god damnit. so observant. yah agreed with jane. aye or i sleep too much? haha i woke up at 3pm and i still can sleep. oh sleeping is SUCH a waste of time for me. okay now ive headache. ta ma de.

okok for so many days and im a little better after that 2hours chit chat session with lixuan, im okay now. jun i can make it the second time no worries.

oh yah, my sister told me that on my birthday when im drunk can see that who is my good friends. because only liping (secondary schoolmate), jen, jul and kellis is taking care of me when im swaying to the left, right, front, back and then i fall. hahahaa! okay i kno i look very funny when im drunk. and then i told zill, because the rest have seen me drunk for soooo many times and they're sick of it so they cant be bothered. muahahhaa! anyways it sounds good when zill said jen jul liping are my goody friends lah. hoho! and then zill added, kellis told liping jen and jul okok she needa smoke they take over to take care of me first. i laugh out loud !

jane, kellis and zill have been telling me almost the whole story of that night when im drunk. i sway here and there and i fell here and there. its soooo embarrassing lah because that night alot regular customers were there seeing me in my drunk state. oooooooo... whatever.

okay okay enough for tonight. i go read my story book.




| tiffany. 5:42 AM|

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

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do you hate me so much so as to delete it away? that was the first picture and also the last picture you kno? must you be that cruel to me? im not feeling any better lately. not even a little.

aww man~ i miss those days. first secretive date. first lunch i cooked for you myself. first movie. first stay over. first drinking session. first temple visit. your celebration and then mine. i regretted never cherish you when im so important to you, because now im just one normal friend to you. but then whatever i said now is NOTHING.

it scarred. my arm, my heart. painfully..

baby, you hurt me so bad..




| tiffany. 5:04 AM|

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Friday, March 23, 2007

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have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever?


well, i did. TWICE. last year and this year. one is good enough to feel like killing myself, can you imagine the second time?

im your burden huh? you'd feel so much better. okay you've gave in. we're just not meant to be. i hate this phrase. i hate it to the core. that would be the only sentence that make you've nothing else to debate. ive lost. lost to you. defeated.




| tiffany. 4:06 AM|

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

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ohh so i cannot write anything here from now on lah. okay i shall write craps here. bottle up. everything. forget it. i'll overcome this very soon.

uh? i think i drink and shout too much last night, ive got cough. hahaha and junie and jane told me drink martell you will shit the whole day the next day. haha junren did. poor boy.

i slept from 3 to 7pm just now, such a nice weather to sleep. okay im going prawning later with jenna celin and yiling. been longing to go. dont kno is it still going on, jen haven end work. ahh my bike park outside labyrinth for four day days already. junie dont let me ride home last night, im not drunk last night what. have to go over to workplace again. sighs. danny said i can buy season parking le muahaha.

okay stomach ache im going to shite now =X


| tiffany. 7:25 PM|

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i think im the stupiest person in the world, to actually give you another chance to hurt me again. thank you so much for the "best" birthday gift. its better than last year when you said "you buay tahan me anymore, we're over".

im not angry when we cok up on 20th march, im not angry when the car has no air con, im not angry when pitch black is suck, im not angry when you throw temper at me when you're driving. im at fault too. but then straight after my big day, you initiated it. THANK YOU SO MUCH. yah thank you gf THANKS so much.

ive been thinking, you dont worth for anyone. not for me. im gonna leave you for good. you gonna regret not having me. i think i needa say this to comfort myself. i dont wanna be there anymore. you abused the me-treating-you-good treatment. dont blame me if im gonna say anything nasty to you.

ive been very soft hearted. buying you lunch when we're still in cold war. ask you if you want any dinner when we did not talk at all. wanna patch up with you when my heart soften when i see your grumpy face the whole day. hug you when i kno you've planned my birthday in advance for soo many months. but turned out, you screwed it. okay WE SCREWED IT.

since we're just not meant to be. BE IT. i guess letting go of you is blessing in disguise. nobody wants me to get hurt except you. hurting me will be the last thing my friends wanna do to me except YOU. i shouldnt be soo stupid to ever hurt myself for the not worth it you. yah you. the damn you. you dont worth at all. i kno im no good. but you're no better.

goodbye kellis. thank you for doing all the small small things, the not-so-important-things for me. i like the way you did that to me. but then its okay now. goodbye




| tiffany. 3:30 AM|

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

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initially i tot im just feeling tired at work thats all. i keep yawning non stop when its only 2am. after a few drinks with my customers i get more sleepy. uh? i shouldnt use the word sleepy, im exhausted. today's crowd is like damn! ive to walk very fast and get my things done. is not as if this was the first time i encounter such crowd. or mayb i haven had enough of rest?

my limbs shake. i can feel that my legs are shaking when i sit down. and my arms are not right too. is it that ive burn too many midnight oil or ive some illness or what? my body is getting weak.. i dont understand why my hand can shake like i never have it before. my limited knowledge tells me that your limbs shake is call parkinson diesease. ah? i think its not enough rest. ive flu anyway, so that is just im weak i need more rest.

is it physically or emotionally tired?

here it goes again, my operated knee hurts again. due to too much of walking and straining.

today, almost at the end of work. i began to feel frustrated and fouled up. ive always want my things to be done as soon as possible. i do it quickly, im a efficient person i cant wait you see. so when im at the sink, washing the dirty glasses half way. steph came over and said this to me, "let me wash the glasses, im faster" WHAT? YOU DOUBT MY ABILITY OF DOING THIS EASY JOB? and then i control my temper, i said nicely to her. nevermind let me do it, im washing it half way and as my hands are wet just let me finish it. she simply dont hit my advice and insisted to ask me to go. ok! i go. and i endured. BUT coming up things like customer ask me to do things for them i get super fouled up. i forgot what i shouted to steph that i think she blocked my way, i accidentally raised my voice. i couldnt control. im feeling even worse.. and im forced to leave earlier, just to avoid anymore craps from myself i gave boss craps excuses like i need to go because im workin 3pm the next day. and then i left, but i sat outside workplace and.. brokedown..

its the accumulation. its not steph's fault. its just that she came at the nick of time. i bursted out. im so bloody hell drained out. emotionally and physcially i guess. my back and my knee hurts. and my heart sore.. so much things happened at the same time. but i wanna control. i feel bad shouting at steph with such a small matter. i wanted to control but i did not. my mood is not right. i should have stay outta the bar. stay outta everyone so as to keep my temper down. but i failed..

you kno i sat down outside there and feeling so xinku. the feeling is like ive bottled all the things inside me. i wanna say it out, i wanna punch my fist at the wall, i wanna vent my anger at someone and also i wanna CRY it out. but i cant. i just talked to ziel for a short moment until im able to ride home. because im emotionally unstable. but its not enough.. the let out is not enough.. hen xinkuu


| tiffany. 4:10 AM|

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Friday, March 16, 2007

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never wld i kno she's that kinda person. i trusted my this friend so much so as to cover everything for her when we work. she is drunk last night and before i go i asked if she wants me to send her home. she said no need. and the next day, one told me that her boyfriend waited for her at the bus stop at that ungodly hour. so i asked her, where did you go last night, which house have you stay in? she lied. she slept with that married man. GOD DAMN IT ! im highly affected when i knew it, because i dont get why do girls nowadays give to guys easily?! why?! dont you hav dignity huh?! shite to ALL STRAIGHT GIRLS. okok i shouldnt put it this way, and i kno im conservative. some people tell me, to have sex is to make love. when you have sex with that person, after that the love grows. okay.. i can accept that. and okay i accept one night stand. BUT NOT TO A MARRIED PERSON !! FOR CHRIST SAKE !

i despise you. i loathe you. i look down on you when you've a boyfriend now and you sleep with someone who has wife at home. and you just my friend who i see soooo often. haha ok why am i feelin so angry. okay next..

after when i kno bout this matter my attitude, my mood changed.. i thought bout me being the third party and also encounter myself being two timed, meaning got third party intruded my beautiful relationship with lirong. i wont ever ever ever ever be third party anymore, i wanna control control control and control myself..

everybody is doing it doesnt mean that its right to do it okay? yah it might be a cycle in ya life that you need to go thru all this shite budden you kno you can avoid it? ohwells, what im trying da say now is all im having now is.. i deliberately intruded someone's one-year good and they-are-used-to-each-other relationship. im more than regret to have do it. because i can feel the pain now..

the pain that is in you.. the pain that you're missing him so badly..

sighhss.. you dont love me at all.. love is not like this..

| tiffany. 7:39 AM|

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

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bedroom

Finally, it ended our assessment period. im almost cannot take it, drowned with STRESS. lose my temper easily i suppose and many times i go bonkers, like suddenly talk very loud, suddenly laugh non-stop if not stoning away. ha mayb im thinking of inspiration?

uh, i dread last minute work now. it might give me double job like ive to re-submit my assessment and ive to keep up the pace of my work, have to do my work in a hurry. no good. good product serve later.

ive complained to gf zillion times that im so regret that ive skipped so many lessons and never do my homework. so xinku this few days. i slept for 2-3hrs a day just to complete my assessment. i feel so useless lah and so unhappy with my work. everyone take so much effort in doing their work, mine i can complete it in a few hours. grrrrrrr! if the result comes, i think i will feel ten times as bad as now.

and i thought i can enjoy my 3months holiday and my 22nd birthday, this coming friday i needa hand in homeworks that ive owe ms lye. fark her lah, she is biased she failed my assessment. my classmate told me, she prefers guy than girl. what the fark? 21century liao. she passed that china boy in my class who missed lessons more than i do, who paint his story board with such light tone due to add more water in his color so that he can paint it fast and finish it on time? and mine?! i painted the whole damn 1am-6am and wasted 12 dollars on the mounting board and transparency!

one stupid thing i did, i woke up at 8am to go to the printing shop so that i no needa wait long for my turn then i rush to the classroom to hand in my work. the paper paste outside the classroom stated Interior Design - Year 2, what the faark?! ive got the wrong day! haha bai wu long. so dumb lah i even call eileen ask her why is she still sleeping, why havent come to school. -malu. stressed out.

ok YAWN. i slept at 730am and woke up at 9am. great~ AND i cant sleep right now @_@


| tiffany. 12:05 PM|

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

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im in alot homework debt. friggin' STRESS. stress until i cannot sleep, dont dare to sleep, im duper awake. takin' a break from my work tho. still i can go to parkway and east coast just now. coming bac with a guilty tot and hurried bac to my table. with all the drafting pens, tracing papers, set squares, rulers laying around, i manage to finish my technical drawing assignment BUT not the assessment. im 90% done for my InDesign, cuz its too plain, ohwells after all its a brand new BMW M6 magazine spread what, it must look solemn. okay and i havent start on my analog clock, believe that i would be able to finish it on time by 13th. everything i tot i can finish but in the end i cant. its always like that. my typography the worst, i totally neglected it. oh am i repeating this? anyhow, i HATE freehand lah, yah yah alot tell me freehand is easy budden ive missed SOOOOOOO many lesson i really really dont like freehand! BUT STILL i must do it. deadline is like FIVE DAYS LATER? design drawing is craps lah, i believe i can do it. ok get bac to my COLOR PRESENTATION!! i was wrong on the previous entry, ive SIX homework debt not that friggin' five. ohhh mannn~ ok lah bye lah.


| tiffany. 2:54 AM|

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

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ok my assessment: for my analog clock my theme is fire fighter, so im gonna design and make a clock for my fire fighter friend, jun? heh heh! and then, my magazine spread im doing BMW M6. yeah.. im doing it now, its almost complete. im quite plead with it, shall see what will Lim Cheng Mei says tomorrow. as for my design drawing, a story board - my theme is on chinatown. i think that need a little bit more of my time, well ive done my layout at least. ok im behind time budden i will catch up even if i dont get to sleep. ok so this is it, my technical drawing, color presentation and typography. i cant seems to finish it for nuts! technical drawing im gonna complete it by tonight, so i think im gonna sleep like in the morning? erm, i still have two and a half to go? if i finish it by tonight tomorrow i can do my color presentation the whole damn day. have to forgo sentosa tanning with jul and chooli, i will finish it. even if im sooooo dont feel like doing. ok i hate to admit that but i still have FIVE to go!!!! I HATE TO ADMIT THAT!! i needa complete within two days? can i finish it? ok whyyyyyyy whyyyyy am i still blogging here!!! when i still have FIVE to go!!!!!! DARN! okok and my typography, i must say ive neglected it for sooooo damn long. ahhaa must sit down and do. DETERMINE!

hoho ok get bac to homework.




| tiffany. 3:00 AM|

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

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| tiffany. 6:57 PM|

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im feeling ultimate stress now and yet we've got into a tiff. see im still very awake at this hour. dont dare to sleep cuz no time already. i did not wanna work next week. gonna lock myself at home and complete my assignment. anyways bout the tiff right?! ahhhhh! i dont wish to talk bout it. BLOOD BOIL. for what i kno, i needa be less sensitive, less caring, less everything!~ i wanna go bac to the happy-go-lucky me. dont wanna care or even think bout how anyone think anymore. like that then i can live my life thru. if you cant stand me go away. screww everyone.

uh? i think ive got mental disorder. due: piles of assignment (shit)


| tiffany. 2:42 AM|

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