Friday, February 27, 2004
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+ she loves her +
hmm i have confessed my feeling towards xiao oi man. darn! i shouldnt be so anxious. after telling her how i feel for her, she told me how she feel inside. sigh.. i never expect she loves boy that much. as in.. thought its quite little. well, i never blame anybody but myself for telling her first. should wait longer cuz i'm unsure of my feeling too. me always like that. never think before i say. hmm got tell boy about this. before the dae of my confession got talk to boy about i not giving all out to xiao oi. not giving all out also because i know she not only likes me ma. not that i dont one. actually there's also alot factor la. just got out of love man. so fast going to another r/s meh? going to another r/s seems good for my friends cuz they will think i finally wanna let lirong go le. -shrugs- i dont even dare to ask myself if i wish to get back with lirong anot frankly. dont even dare to dream about it. however,
i cant deny i still love her. -shrugs- friends dont scold me. of cuz i still love her la.. how to forget man.. though she always make me cry, eh actually i also always make her cry. then when i get injured that time i always make her worry. fair and square la. sighh. think back.. she treats me very good le. i everytime very bad, purposely say things like "haiya why this person can be nice to me she cant" hint her or something, purposely make her guilty. then i always get a slient response. then dont know when she hint me back, not exactly her hints la, is i realised de. she said sometimes there are different ways of showing care for that person and she is always doing the different thing. as in, for example weiling will show care for me and the care is felt. but lirong is different, she will do things that i dont know is she do de. like i dont know who the hell did de and she never say is she do de. ahha confused. nvm. i know can le. hmm.. and hor.. last time, when i open my eyes from sleep, she is right infront of me!!!! is like i was dreaming of her in my sleep.. its god damn good feeling when i wake up and i see her. haa she can be sweet too.
hmm i just tell boy about my dream ger. haha i want to have a ger who has the combination of lirong's dress sense, lirong's 38-ness, lirong's silly-ness, lirong's sweetness, yanbing's honey lips, yanbing's figure, yanbing's intelligent and weiling's kind heart. hahaha whoa~ perfect ger liaos la. haiya overall lirong win la.
my type. happy sighhh.. how i wish.. erm.. lirong still can go my house and appear.. haa then i can bash her up. for waking me up, i'm a light sleeper. kiddin.
heh so happy, was msging with lirong just now until she fall asleep le. be her bedtime story also good la. that silly ger.. dont wanna sae her le la.. always so cuteee.. haa. shall end here.
+ i still love loving you +
| tiffany. 1:54 AM|
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Monday, February 23, 2004
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+ feel bad +
saw boy's blog just now in school. long time din see hers. feel so sad after reading it. think is also because of accumulation depression. dont wish to see you sad or what. your msn nick your blog everything is written so feeling feeling and negative. i want the old you. the old boy. please dont be like that. everyone will get worry de. i will just treat as the blog is the most sad story i ever see from you. the real you will come back one day.. =(
-pray for you-
| tiffany. 7:14 PM|
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+ left out +
watch nike 1on1 ydae. before that went watch 'along came polly" with lirong. she ask me to watch with her man. kinda a nice show. but short. after that went watch boy n daze they all. kinda feel left out. yup. this is what i don like. this is what upset me the most. after the whole 1on1 thing we walked separate ways. why? why they never ask us where we going? they are simply in their own world. ya, hui gonna say why must i think this way and say whatever right? hui said this to me before. on boy's birthday, i told her i'm sick and dont feel like going to the party. and told her another reason is because i'm short of money. i dont her for dont understand me because always i never tell her what i feel. told her before i don dare to write how i feel for them on this blog, but today, i dont know why i have the courage to tell you guys. this is not a confrontation or what. its simply of how i feel this few days or rather how i feel always. hui said its boy's birthday lo.. they without asking me anything she said 'whatever' ya maybe you are in a bad mood or you busy or something. but i'm upset when she is so so soooo engrossed to boy. hui doesnt even care if i'm sick. when i see them i pretend nothing happened. fortunately, i feel better. before that lirong and julian bring me to the clinic. got pale face, white lips. giddy man. sigh. before getting closer and closer with jelvin, i already quite close with you guys and of course i got the same treatment. but i kept quiet. i told lirong a little but i realised it wont change anything. then i tell myself maybe its me, its me who is in fault. i told myself hui and boy already treat me very good le. because when there's thing happen between me and lirong they are the one who keep consoling or rather talk to me. keep me accompany. contented le. seriously i'm not really affected by the left out thing. i wonder do you guys know you guys left us out? are we clown or joker to you guys? entertainment? i mean me and jelvin. yah i may sound harsh. but this is really what we are upset for. jelvin told me she wanna slowly slowly leave this group you know? then i ask myself, am i going to leave too? my answer is no.. because i'm happy with you guys too. know what? i get excited and happy when boy msg me say recently we have been drifted apart due to alot reasons and she wish to catch up with me. that msg is so powerful that i always swallow what i wanna tell you guys about i feel left out. after the 1on1 we go find haixin and told her how we feel. bet you guys know she is the most left out person. know what jelvin and i saw? she is smiling and laughing happily when she is with her JJC friends. i feel so happy for her also. i also wish she will be happy with us. hmm or is it esther's pressence? oops. i dont dare tell you guys about this matter is also because of her. you guys will think that why i like that one. and i remember i told hui something about why sometimes she and esther's conversation we dont know one. the hui go tell esther. esther call jelvin and talk about it. you all dont know how we feel lo. esther talk so fast and a dead thing can let her say til alive le. i mean okie, you guys are good at words. i'm not. i dont know how the hell am i gonna express myself. same to jelvin. you guys got this habit of talking about things not everyone know. there's still some people who dont really wish to join our group sometimes because we like got nothing to talk together. i decided to write out this is not because i dont want you guys to neglect us anymore.. is to let you know how we feel and i dont wanna keep wondering and get upset that if you guys know we were left out or not? it takes two hands to clap. i know its not we say dont neglect jiu dont neglect de. think this is also the reason why angela told me she dont really feel like going out with us.
+ very upset +
| tiffany. 7:07 PM|
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Monday, February 16, 2004
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+ i'm okie le. (i tink) +
yup i'm okie le. back to normal. never frown le. never cry le. never think that the whole world own me things. kan kai le. fang kai le ma? (i dunno) to all my friends i'm a jovial person. if i get upset or angry of somebody or something, they can know it from my expression. how sians. like that i oways muz hide my feelings. cannot show it out. cuz i oso don wan my friends to worry. lirong oso diz kind of person de. she wont show out she is unhappy to her friends. whenever she is with her friends, she will oways put up a lovely smile. =) she told me before actually she is not that happy one. i oso dunno why. thought she let me go le. she gif me up le then she will me more carefree. maybe she and you-noe-who got problem? haiss.. dunno if i can be that generous to be friend with you-noe-who back not. tink i nid alot times. maybe juz don hate dem. yah.. on thur aft my lesson i went to audrey's hse. on my way dere i saw faith. taking train together wif her. i tell her my problem. the wad lirong told me on tue nite. den i tell her i hate liangmin. hate her to the core. den she tell me a story that amazed and touched me a little. (cannot sae out) the story is roughly abt she experienced my prob before.. bt she nv hate tt person who hurt her so badly. was touched by her behaviour. wondering why faith can like that i cant. den i feel quite ashamed. esther told me things. she said at least i once have her before. i shldnt complain le. bt its bcuz i hav her before den the more i think i still can hav her back den i don wanna gif up. how silly.. haa. i can treat her in another way.
juz wanna b dere for u.. when u nid somebody. mayb slowly slowly i can accept you-noe-who and talk to u nicely. i wanna b like hui~ like huihui treat boy liddat. hui teng boy alot. i wanna b like hui teng lirong alot. no love in it. juz frens. yup.. hopefully i can be like her.
+ thanks guys. +
| tiffany. 12:40 AM|
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Thursday, February 12, 2004
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+ its over +
she called me and tell me we're impossible oready. ya. i oready noe. bt i juz don wanna admit it. pls guys don kp telling me things. i don wanna listen. juz wanna b alone. cry. notin can help me. no one can help me. i don wan us to b friend. i don wanna face e reality. i don care. juz let me be. let me die. hate living. life sucks to the core. ya.. i noe my frens all care for me alot. bt sorry.. gonna tel u guys down. juz wanna keep quiet. stay calm. miss her. think of her. think of 9months ago wad we did. wad we used to be. how she cares for me. how she make me feel love, pain, hurt. no one can ever replace her. pls don tel me she is bad or wad. i don wanna listen. pls don ask me promise u guys nt to cut myself again. i wont. i feel notin whn i slash my arms. not pain. all i noe is i pain in my heart. ya i cut myself again.. long big cuts diz time. who cares? i don wan anyone to care abt me. i don wan. leave me alone. i still love her okie. don touch her. don scold her. don blame her.
+ dead jacob +
| tiffany. 1:33 PM|
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004
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+ i still cant control myself +
recently i never tell things to hui and boi le. lirong sort of like threaten me. mayb to me is a threaten. she told me they sick of my complains. is lirong herself sick of it ok? ya i'm a nusiance. i really really really cannot control myself again. can u imagine sze nee come and tell me "hey the feelin great anot? to see liangmin close wif lirong?" gosh. i feel so xinku. i cant tok abt it to anyone! esp lirong. she wil sae i repeat same thing over and over again. haisssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! frankly speakin.. i tink we drift le. nt as close as last time. NOT CLOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee le! hais. no mood write anymore le. -crys-
| tiffany. 12:38 AM|
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