Friday, October 17, 2008

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Classmates

Year one, my first friend I made is shihan and then I got into a group of five. Nora, scarlet, wirda shihan and I. So very easy our group click with the rest, with two smart guys who always top the class, weiqiang and alvin. And with the rest of my classmate, we went chalet together, went lunch/dinner together, went sentosa together.. the time we blade/cycle at pasir ris, soccer on sentosa make this bonding of my year one classmate a special one.

Unlike my year two, the people so scattered. One group of malays, two china always never come to school, one group of chinese guys also always never come to school, and a group of chinese girls. So which group do i belong to?

The malays their language I dont understand but i go smoke with them, the chinese guys are of younger age than me so I feel they're still as childish as they have not gone to the army except one, who is nic. Well, often I click with him. As for the chinese girls group is the group I wanna talk bout, actually its just a person that I super condemn.

So basically im a loner in year two, that says why I always never go to school because in my entire life, ive never felt so outcast before. Many reasons/excuses says why I cant blend with my classmates. First, I always have to work night shift that I couldnt get up for school and that leads me to distance away from my classmates. Second, which is of a person whom I feel I couldnt make myself to get along with her. Besides that, she is my class representative. Its not easy to not communicate to her.

Not to be stereotype, basically she is a kind hearted person (omg I cannot believe I said that). Other than that, she is a fucking rude with no EQ person. Her mind is so straight until she cannot sense or feel the harshness of her words. In the beginning, I always thought she was those B grade student and a person who do her presentation fluently. Just because she always ask questions during lesson and so I thought so. She is so outspoken until I began to think she ask stupid questions. However, when ask to do presentation her face turns tomato-red and she cant speak. Got stage fright like me, HAHA so i dont blame her on that.

Ohwell, come to think of it I felt quite look down by her, because i always never come to school. But im furious that why is it her who look down on me when her design SUCK big time? Personally I feel that she really really dont have the design skill, she is not for interior design but she act as if shes a pro. Fuck lah.

Haha! But everything change when im in year three now =D Slowly I blend with the classmates ive never come across with and slowly that person with her gang doesnt blend with the big groups. Tsk! Sounds childish right? Sounds like kid, cuz I said I dont like her. Like I dont want to friend her. muahaa..

Until now I still talks to her okay? But the big problem now is.. I think my class is extremely political. Different people in different group tell me many things. Think they chose to let me know because im neutral? Am I? hmm.. this person tells me he dont like who lah who lah.. -Big hai- ive been hearing alot of shit~ im actually sick and tired of those GOSSIPSSSS.

Seriously, cant we just quit gossiping? so many internal conflict sia~ hmmm.. I wonder did anyone talk bad about me? Please be honest to me and come straight to me and let me kno if you dare..


| tiffany. 4:10 PM|

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

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Respect.

she is a kinda person who is not very sensitive to me, has yet to be able to read my mind and also today's topic, respect.

the minimum respect im looking for is.. present me to her friends, her classmates and her colleagues.

that day, i went to look for her for lunch and she came down with her colleagues. i asked her something that ive already forgotten but i kno its something that kinda disappoint me. after that i hinted her, im upset but in a jokingly-nice manner and she really tot im joking. BIG HAI..

am i that bad to be telling her friend im her lover? i throw people's face meh? i always dress nicely to school, friendly, out-going, cute and approachable what.. haha! or is it after a year plus of lesbian-relationship she still mind? if its for her previous job, i can understand.. mmm but anyway im not quite affected by this cuz i understand and i treat it as she still not use to it. let her be. but..

why is she so lazy to erase those photos..? okay i treat it as shes simply too lazy to sort things in her lappie and so ive the opportunity to see those hurtful pictures. LONG HAI..

i repeat this alot times, i didnt say doesnt mean i don mind, doesnt mean im not hurt. for this one year, two months and going to three months relationship i always have this tot in my mind but i just keep everything inside. because i feel its childish and irrational to think this way.

which is everything she do, she did, she say, her past, her things, her dress, her room, her storeroom, her shoe rack, her ipod music, her friends, her photos, and even when we *ahem.. i actually link to her ex-boyfriend.

yes, ex-boyfriend, ang weiliang. my E-G-O i didnt mention to anyone. because i feel ashame to think this way.. okay let me explain why i feel this way. she loves rock band, rock music but i prefer slow jazz/bossanova BUT i didnt say i dont like rock music!! different place different situation i listen to different kinda genre you see. SO her ex is a rocker(to me he's a poser, sorry bout that) i suppose and all music in her ipod her ex store for her. fuckit! and.. she told me alot bout her past which i told her mine too and many many gazillion times we quarrelled bout my ex-gf too! but its always her that starts the quarrel and i didnt keep mention bout her ex-bf, i keep quiet =X

okay and so her things, ive to tell her i feel eye sore when i see the photo frame he made for her then she clear away! i must say then she do it! and the things in her storeroom its all his stuffs! simply because she was lazy to ask him to pick up all this cheebye stuff!! i must repeat alot times then she call that fucker! sorry to use that word im agitated.

and also many dresses that guy bought for her. this i cannot grumble too much because i still have clothes that my ex bought. BUT you kno im a very trendy person, i dont keep outdated clothes so is like i only keep like two or three tops. hahaha! but she still can tell me oh she like this dress alot, behind added.. he bought one -_-|||

and then her room, that fucking queen size bed, i sleep on that bed is like sharing with him! eeeeew~ fortunately, after telling her that brilliant idea/concept bout how she can revamp her tiny room to a multi-purpose living cum bedroom, finally she is changing the whole damn-will-let-me-imagine-of-her-ex room!

her friends, obviously more guys than girls lah. because shes freaking straight what last time. fuck one lah. in the beginning of the relationship whenever her god-bro or best friends or whatever i feel its old fashion to god bro here god sister there lah, see me they will give a what the fuck face. like i screw her, i change her into lesbian is my fault, like i freaking don suit her. halo.. my ex gfs alot chiobu-s.. haha haolian. well DON DISCRIMINATE LESBIAN/GAY.

and now the issue is her photos lah! sibei sians lah when i saw those photos. for my case, i deleted ALL my ex photos, including those family outing with her family, her sister's wedding, her sister's son, the courtship of my ex and her dog okay!?! its so unfair.

respect me lah, like how you want my respect and assurance.
HAI this the quarrel we had today is about..




| tiffany. 1:41 AM|

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Friday, October 03, 2008

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juz woke up like 5 minutes ago, was too tired with the long 9am-4pm lesson this morning and then family meet up to town till 9pm.

is like few hours to pin-up, i haven started yet. so not stress huh? u bet. gonna do my sketches right until i needa go school.

anyway the mini celebration goes well, think of it we have a big group, dont we? is 10 consider big? really can feel the "happy family" over here after like soooo soooo soooo many misunderstandings. how childish to let go this fantastic gang that would drink together, dinner together, quarrel together, sing together and of cuz it all starts with knowing each other thru playing basketball together. and then thru friends, friend's friend and friend's friend's friend..

i always says this to them,

we are going to drink until we are old, dont we?

hurhur!

anyway, something quite affect me alot recently. is that im actually upset and feel hurt by friends. i guess nobody even cares bout how i feel. well, you kno what? doesnt mean im a happy-go-lucky person or im a fuckin straight person so i can also takes people's candidness. and doesnt mean i keep quiet means im fine. im human too, i will cry even if its a friend who say harsh things to me..

yah, i know my temper is way too bad. but why is it that when i flare up, i was condemned and things goes.. how to stand her? then when i did not, oh she has change alot, really. you know what? i also wants to change, my character my parents give me, i cant totally erase it off. i want to change and im still changing. i need time. but you know what? people tell me this, time waits for no men. whoa..

i feel its unfair, cuz im classified as the category of "hot tempered" means i cannot even flare when im feeling uneasy that day? and then the others can? or i do it too often? mmm mayb i did? cuz im affected. mmm perhaps?

cuz of my straight/blunt character, i show my feelings out. when im angry i wouldnt pretend. when im happy, i laugh. when im sad, i cry to you. when im moody, i show it out. but it seems that i can show everything except the bad ones, is it a must to keep all the bad ones to myself?

forget it..


| tiffany. 3:34 AM|

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